They say Jesus is our example in everything.
But that can’t be totally true.
If he is my example for how to choose a church,
I should probably join the flower children
or a mosque or something.
And that can’t be right. Right?
Two years ago I was looking for church.
Two years ago I had no idea what to look for.
My heart questions looked like these…
“Do these people believe what I believe?”
“Can I get spiritually fed in this place?”
“Do I feel the Spirit moving here?”
“Will these people love me for who I am?”
“Are they going to help me grow?”
“How much do I feel like God loves me here?”
I’ve asked God a lot of questions, over the years.
He’s never answered any of them, that I can think of.
But he consistently takes my hard questions
and gives me soft, new ones.
Today, I am still looking for church.
Today, I still have no idea what to look for.
Now, sometimes, my uncertain heart questions look like these…
“Do I believe what God believes?”
“Do I hunger and thirst for him?”
“Do I invite his spirit to abide in me every moment?”
“Do I love his people like he does?”
“Do I let him prune me and grow me wherever I am?”
“How much does God feel like I love him?”
Yesterday I caught myself asking “yeah but what’s in it for me?”
There’s still a lot of hard ground in me, for him to cover.
Questions get hard when they’re all about me.
Jesus, I don’t want to care what it’s in it for me.
I just want to look like you. Show me.
Thank you Abba, for new questions.
—
John 14:6. John 13:35. Matthew 20:28. John 14:15. John 13:34. John 21:15.
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