…a storyteller

See what turns a man’s head and know how he’s steering his heart.
What is Lovely, to you?

Lovely… a storyteller. (John 20:31)

Read them eat them drink them.
Watch them hold them dream them.
Hate them love them breathe them.
Birth them live them die them.

Enough has been said about why stories matter to us and I still don’t think anybody really knows.

What makes a story, anyway?
Name a “story rule” and someone better read than I can tell you a story that breaks it. 

“‘The End.’ Every story has a beginning and ‘The End.'” 

Hey you’re quick. It took me two cups of coffee to think that far.

But a scoffing third cup rained on our parade, “Such human terms, ha! ‘Beginning’ is just a convenient place to start and ‘The End’ is only a rest stop, really.”

Okay. I switched to tea. Herbal.
Tasting the quietness, I wondered.

“Water.”
The knowing steam breathed only a word,
so soft I might have imagined it.

No, this thought didn’t begin in me.

Funny, wisdom can say more with one word
than knowledge can with a whole salad of ‘em.

Leaves without water are just dry paper in your mouth
and stories without a teller are dust the same.

So it’s the telling that makes a story. 

But I guess you knew that; you’ve listened this far. 

Here’s to tellers of stories, like she. My cap is off to you.

You’re in good Company; I believe that.

Lovely… a lover of the One who Loves.

(who’s this Lovely? you’d better start at the beginning…)

…a bookophile

See what turns a man’s head and know how he’s steering his heart.
What is Lovely, to you?

Lovely… a bookophile. (Proverbs 25:2)

Bookophile isn’t a word but it’s most definitely a thing.

If you are one then you know what it is and why you are until someone asks you to explain.

Then words are a flock of pigeons bursting skyward before my childish pattering mouth.

Iridescent eyes spy a feather left behind and she scoops it into her silver notebook.

Someday she’ll have enough and all will see.
The hidden story will burst on their sight. 

Why are precious things so often hidden? 

We should ask the pigeons, I think they know…

Lovely… a lover of the One who Loves.

(who’s this Lovely? you’d better start at the beginning…)

…a hearer

See what turns a man’s head and know how he’s steering his heart.
What is Lovely, to you?

Lovely… a hearer. (Proverbs 20:5)

Most women use men as an ear, and rarely try to hear them.
Maybe that’s not true and just my experience talking.

If it is true, or sometimes true, I think I understand. We’re pretty lame at sharing – it probably often seems that we don’t have much we want to say.

Coconut is the language of men – all rough and hairy on the outside.

A wise woman has seen a few cracked, usually from falling;
she knows what’s inside.

So she listens gently with a hammer.

Lovely… a lover of the One who Loves.

(who’s this Lovely? you’d better start at the beginning…)

P.S. Some, and I think I know why, can’t allow cracks. 
“Real men don’t have sloshy hearts.”
I understand – I hope they find what they’re looking for…

Dressed up

How joyful are those who fear the LORD—
all who follow his ways!
You will enjoy the fruit of your labor.
How joyful and prosperous you will be!
Psalm 128:1-2

Abba how good you are!
You give the soil, seed and sun;
you give death’s mystery to bear life
and then you give the harvest of delights.

Great God and Father,
make us a blessing
in your keeping
make your shining face
upon us be peace.

…a forgiver

See what turns a man’s head and know how he’s steering his heart.
What is Lovely, to you?

Lovely… a forgiver. (Matthew 5:7)

It’s not what you’ve been given, it’s what you do with what you’ve got.

Did you know the power to grant eternal pardons lives in you?

I know, crazy. Bunch of folks got really mad about that, couple thousand years ago.

(Mad is just a muscled bodyguard for Fear.)

“It makes sense…” Lovely will say.

“Acknowledging your power, it can be scary, it’s responsibility.”

And Fear rather prefers rules, not responsibility.

Completely given. That’s what “forgiving” means.

Forgiveness gives me new life completely, every morning.

And so does she.

Lovely… a lover of the One who Loves.

(who’s this Lovely? you’d better start at the beginning…)

—

https://my.bible.com/bible/116/JHN.20.23.nlt
https://www.etymonline.com/word/forgive

Philippians 4

Dear kindred, my love and longing,
my joy and crown of delight;
stand with our Master.

Let the feet of your heart raise a cloud
of joy every moment, rejoice!
In YHWH, in Love, rejoice!

Put on your Sunday Best,
that favorite dress, gentleness.
He is here, offering warmly his coat.

Pin your cares with wings of sparrows.
Press the fruit of your life to fragrant oil
and break the jar of your heart at his feet.

The harmony of heaven, the singing of God
which shakes the furthest star
barricades your heart in Resurrection song!

Beyond these…
for whatever is Lovely,
fight! Cherish mightily, love.

With God every strength is possible.
By Messiah every power is commanded,
a standing army at my side.

Our gravel pits become mountain lakes
as God brings out grinning pitchers
brimming with glory from the house that Jesus built.

Wear your glory, Abba. Amen.

…a waiter

See what turns a man’s head and know how he’s steering his heart.
What is Lovely, to you?

Lovely… a waiter. (Micah 7:7)

They say man is the initiate, or should be.
They started reading in the second chapter, I guess.

Ruth waits the night on the floor.
Rachel weights water at the well.

The noblewoman serves modest openness
at the table of her interest.
Prepared pursuit-free, it’s poetry,
garnished with smiles and a second look.

His choice to choose arrives discretely,
not poured heavy with expectation.
A true delight.
Deference is a delicacy,
the respect will catch a man’s heart in his throat.

Waiting on him, and the Lord…
It’s a gift, an art, an arrow straight from her servant heart.

From this he knows, she loves truly and will give hers wholly.

An amazing knowing.

Lovely… a lover of the One who Loves.

(who’s this Lovely? you’d better start at the beginning…)

A loveburn

The day is yours, the night is yours too;
you made the starlight and the sun.
Psalm 74:16

Abba how good you are!
The noonday is like night
facing your love’s-gaze
stars burn in your sight.

Great God and Father,
make us a blessing
in your keeping
make your shining face
upon us be peace.

…a steadiness

See what turns a man’s head and know how he’s steering his heart.
What is Lovely, to you?

Lovely… a steadiness. (Romans 5:3-5)

Rocks are steady things.
Steel does steady things.

Passive strength. Adjective.
Active strength. Verb.

The brightest buildings, the ones that really ladder to the sky, steel.

Strong enough to stand with the sun.
Weak enough to dance with the wind.

When the ground shakes steel sings out.
Sings until things still.
A tuning fork, strike her and she’s singing.

If you’re prone to falling, forgetting the tune…
The fires I start leave her black and blue.

Pray God gives you someone who chooses love.

I know I don’t deserve a part in the song,
but the curtain’s up and I’ll give all I’ve got.

Everything he gives me.

Lovely… a lover of the One who Loves.

(who’s this Lovely? you’d better start at the beginning…)

Dying seeds

May they fear you as long as the sun shines,
as long as the moon remains in the sky.
Let him come down like rain
upon the mown grass,
like showers, watering the earth.
Psalm 72:5-6

Abba how good you are!
Seasons ever cycle
and we’re laid under time’s sickle.
Perfect blood springs us to life.

Great God and Father,
make us a blessing
in your keeping
make your shining face
upon us be peace.

Hard Questions

They say Jesus is our example in everything.
But that can’t be totally true.
If he is my example for how to choose a church,
I should probably join the flower children
or a mosque or something.
And that can’t be right. Right?

Two years ago I was looking for church.
Two years ago I had no idea what to look for.

My heart questions looked like these…
“Do these people believe what I believe?”
“Can I get spiritually fed in this place?”
“Do I feel the Spirit moving here?”
“Will these people love me for who I am?”
“Are they going to help me grow?”
“How much do I feel like God loves me here?”

I’ve asked God a lot of questions, over the years.
He’s never answered any of them, that I can think of.

But he consistently takes my hard questions
and gives me soft, new ones.

Today, I am still looking for church.
Today, I still have no idea what to look for.

Now, sometimes, my uncertain heart questions look like these…
“Do I believe what God believes?”
“Do I hunger and thirst for him?”
“Do I invite his spirit to abide in me every moment?”
“Do I love his people like he does?”
“Do I let him prune me and grow me wherever I am?”
“How much does God feel like I love him?”

Yesterday I caught myself asking “yeah but what’s in it for me?”
There’s still a lot of hard ground in me, for him to cover.

Questions get hard when they’re all about me.

Jesus, I don’t want to care what it’s in it for me.
I just want to look like you. Show me.

Thank you Abba, for new questions.

—

John 14:6. John 13:35. Matthew 20:28. John 14:15. John 13:34. John 21:15.
click to expand references…

Love uncaged

“Our God is a God of deliverance;
the YHWH is our rescuer from death.”
Psalm 68:20

Abba how good you are!
The Lion hears our loud crying and tears
at the cage holding our hearts
with love leading into life.

Great God and Father,
make us a blessing
in your keeping
make your shining face
upon us be peace.

…a curious one

See what turns a man’s head and know how he’s steering his heart.
What is Lovely, to you?

Lovely… a curious one. (Psalm 40:4-5)

She has patience for puzzles.
She ponders and plies;
the wait she doesn’t mind,
even to the end of time.

“Oh but we can clear that up for you. Just sign here.”
“Thanks, but no, thanks.”

She holds her natural wonders above settling for their sharp-bladed bulldozers of rationale.

Courageous: daring life with certain uncertainty.
And it makes more room for delight… the Light.

Be curious. Always share your wonder. Die delighted.

Lovely… a lover of the One who Loves.

(who’s this Lovely? you’d better start at the beginning…)

The voice

“Gather my godly ones to me,
those who have made their covenant with me
by sacrifice.”
Psalm 50:5

Abba how good you are!
You call, you are not silent.
Your children come like the dawn
light from you all day long.

Great God and Father,
make us a blessing
in your keeping
make your shining face
upon us be peace.

…a magi

See what turns a man’s head and know how he’s steering his heart.
What is Lovely, to you?

Lovely… a magi. (Philippians 4:8)

The kingdom of your mind is a frighteningly real place.
You might not believe it.

In the kingdom of your mind there are many powers that be.
Hoofed dragons and winged pigs and heads with eyes all around.

Don’t be afraid! For ruling this great kingdom you are given a most powerful weapon.

I won’t tell you its sacred name, though you’ll probably guess.
Its power is “poof!” …creating mental images.

Lovely is a master with her sacred weapon, a master of the magical mental image. 

In this noumenal kingdom she is Magistrate… Magician… Imagineer…

Question marks don pressed dress blues, line up and march in pretty little rainbows to the beat of her drum.  
Encyclopedias of certainties shrink to two feet tall, take off all their clothes and wear the muddiest smiles you ever saw.

She imagines things so good and wonderful, and so they become.

Blindness becomes sight.
A star becomes a sign.
Heaven becomes here. 

It’s a magical thing to see the birth before it’s born.

I’ve told you, she believes in the craziest possibilities. Like me.

A mystery.

Lovely… a lover of the One who Loves.

(who’s this Lovely? you’d better start at the beginning…)

Eyes like high tide

They do not conquer the land
with their swords;
it is not their own arm
that gives them victory.
It is your right hand
and your strong arm
and the blinding light from your face
that helps them,
for you love them.
Psalm 44:3

Abba how good you are!
Sin’s sandcastles crumble
in the crashing wake
of your loving, churning light.

Great God and Father,
make us a blessing
in your keeping
make your shining face
upon us be peace.

Forerun & won

This God is our God,
Forever and ever;
He himself leads us,
Even to death.
Psalm 48:14

Abba how good you are!
You call us to go
only where you go.
So you, the Most High, drank even death!

Great God and Father,
make us a blessing
in your keeping
make your shining face
upon us be peace.

…a servant leader

See what turns a man’s head and know how he’s steering his heart.
What is Lovely, to you?

Lovely… a servant leader. (John 13:15)

Leadership theory has more books than the Library of Congress.
Even more than that are speeches and teachings on the matter.

If it was all written down the whole world itself couldn’t contain the volume.

I used to think, to be a good leader I needed to know all of it.
“Start with mystification and head toward explanation.”

Lovely laughed her Happiest laugh and skipped through the mist.
(She often knows a much better way.)
“It’s not that complicated and also not at all ordinary.”

Her Enthusiastic footprints spelled these words:
“As you follow, so you become.”

Shivers started on my wrists and went to my hair tips.
My mental stack of books went up like the 4th of July.
Pages came down like leaves dry and crunchy,
perfect for jumping in.

And I felt like jumping in.

Ain’t that just the way.
Turn left to go right.
Die now to live forever.
Follow good to lead best.

And so she does.

A supremely capable leader, she makes it her Ambition to follow the servant.

Willing submission of a supremely capable leader is perhaps the most glorious thing under the sun.

And so she is.

Pouty pleadings, heavy-willed “suggestions,” even reasonable ultimatums… she doesn’t deign to wield them.

Putting me at the helm of our heart, she trusts God to lead me; even when it seems certain I’m going to screw it up.

I am amazed at her faith. And my paper knowledge trembles in the breeze… thank God’s got me by the roots.

I dared ask for the highest honor on earth, according to me: Respect from a God fearing woman.

Truth dared me back.

Hallelujah.

Lovely… a lover of the One who Loves.

(who’s this Lovely? you’d better start at the beginning…)

Splash it up

With you is the fountain of life;
in your light we see light.
Psalm 36:9

Abba how good you are!
You give your perfect pool
for my muddy heart.
Even light is dark where you aren’t!

Great God and Father,
make us a blessing
in your keeping
make your shining face
upon us be peace.

We can run

The plans of YHWH stand firm forever,
the purposes of his heart through all generations.
Psalm 33:11

Abba how good you are!
You go before your children
pouring your heart along the way
paving steadfast love.

Great God and Father,
make us a blessing
in your keeping
make your shining face
upon us be peace.

…a warrior

See what turns a man’s head and know how he’s steering his heart.
What is Lovely, to you?

Lovely… a warrior. (Proverbs 4:23)

You’ve heard you don’t have to believe everything you hear.
I’ll tell you you don’t have to believe everything you see.

Your heart has eyes and ears. The gates to your innermost.
Fighting is always fiercest at the gates.

Some folks have been lead to believe if it’s true, you have to believe it. If a good guy or a bad guy wants in, as long as he’s real, he gets in.

Lovely doesn’t care how real you are, everyone is real.  
She asks “What are you, really?”  She looks at the heart.

Bad guys taste her steel.  Good guys find a hot meal.

Life and death is in the gates.  
Bad gate, dark heart.  Good gate, light heart.

The pure in heart see good.  Seeing good is a warrior’s work.
Warrior work is hard work.  It’s a Life work.

The fruit of all this fierceness?  It’s the dearest.

The pure in heart can love completely, like a child.
Warm as summer, fresh as spring.

Lovely… a lover of the One who Loves.

(who’s this Lovely? you’d better start at the beginning…)

The Quiet & The Song

The softest, even silent beats bruise the best…

This bellowing quiet is exploding our lungs.
The silent space bleeds every boundary.
Every veil’s security dissolved. Tears.
Stillness is waterboarding us.
Breath is held from us.
Cry, rise oh Singer. 
Revive us.
Exhale. 
Sing. 

He does it

He does give you according to your heart,
And fills all your plans!
Psalm 20:4

Abba how good you are!
Yielding to man
the fruit of his thoughts.
I need the seed of your Spirit!

Great God and Father,
make us a blessing
in your keeping
make your shining face
upon us be peace.

All I’ve Got

You’ve given me two pennies while my heart is a one-penny-bank so that I’m stretched like a late belly. I wouldn’t know the song of this Love if not for your singing. You’re worthy of it all.
Here are my two cents, Abba… here is your two cents, Lord.
—
P.S. “is” because two become one…

Crystal cistern

O my people, trust in him at all times.
Pour out your heart to him, for God is our refuge.
Psalm 62:8

Abba how good you are!
My heart is like water
you collect and preserve
me you lift up, every fallen drop.

Great God and Father,
make us a blessing
in your keeping
make your shining face
upon us be peace.

…a creator

“Show me what turns a man’s head
and I will tell you how he’s steering his heart.
What is Lovely, to you?”

Lovely… a creator. (Proverbs 25:11)

Do you see the glowing words she wields?  There, see the shower of sparks from the swords she swings?  It is power.

Spread like the glass sea
never one dull or waxy
worn like shiny rocks see
her words, super… attractive.

It’s dangerous work; bearing images, laboring with them, delivering them to the cold world shivering and fearless.

Dangerous, and beautiful and captivating like ice skating on an overpass or ballet dancing in a bullpen you can’t look away or even blink. And all that, that’s just in the first chapter…

So don’t blink.

Lovely… a lover of the One who Loves.

(who’s this Lovely? you’d better start at the beginning…)

Cry like a baby

YHWH, you have heard the desire of the lowly ones;
you prepare their heart; you incline your ear…
Psalm 10:17

Abba how good you are!
You hear the weakest whispers
and draw near to fortify our hearts
with a moat of glistening courage.

Great God and Father,
make us a blessing
in your keeping
make your shining face
upon us be peace.

Be poor

Let all who seek you rejoice and be glad in you;
And let those who love your salvation say continually,
“Let God be magnified.”
Psalm 40:16 or Psalm 70:4

Abba how good you are!
You run to those who turn to you.
The poor and needy are filled at your table
proving your great loving-kindness.

Great God and Father,
make us a blessing
in your keeping
make your shining face
upon us be peace.

A fire safe

YHWH delights in those who fear him;
Those who wait for his lovingkindness.
Psalm 147:11

Abba how good you are!
Who deposit their hope in your unfailing love
never know the bankruptcy of despair.
Then we are a resting place for your great joy!

Great God and Father,
make us a blessing
in your keeping
make your shining face
upon us be peace.

…a hope hustler

“Show me what turns a man’s head
and I will tell you how he’s steering his heart.
What is Lovely, to you?”

Lovely… a hope hustler.  (Job 13:15)

Knows fragile. Knows fierce. 
Hustles to the Well first thing. 
Hustles hope to her heart, and so mine. 
And I am so proud of her. 

Lovely… a lover of the One who Loves.

(who’s this Lovely? you’d better start at the beginning…)

Stay low

Though YHWH is exalted,
He looks on the humble;
But the proud he perceives from a distance.
Psalm 138:6

Abba how good you are!
Your rain falls on the righteous
and the unrighteous.
And your grace runs to fill the low places.

Great God and Father,
make us a blessing
in your keeping
make your shining face
upon us be peace.

hey family,

thank you for all your love, compassion, patience.

we’re all still here.  that’s something, like a miracle.

I’m sorry for taking you for granted sometimes. trodding on your valuables sometimes.  not keeping my word to you sometimes.

to state the obvious: I don’t have this thing figured out.

asking for your help.  prayers.  instruction.  mostly just not giving up on me.

I want to grow up in love, to do what’s right, to find the way, to love you.

I know for sure I will turn out okay, and so will you.  

just want to be someone you can allow to do it with you.

grateful for my life.  and how you’ve filled it.

I’m here.

-bob

…a believer

“Show me what turns a man’s head
and I will tell you how he’s steering his heart.
What is Lovely, to you?”

Lovely… a believer.  (Matthew 11:25)

“Does something have to be true for you to believe in it?”
“Are there things just plain worth believing in, in the end?”

Some folks will tell you about absolute truth.  
Others will say such a thing isn’t.

Lovely usually leaves the intellectual swordplay to smaller minds.
All the flashing and slashing and clanging like cymbals tends to draw a crowd, and well, you know how she feels about crowds.

She believes some things are simply worth believing. (<—that’s a period)
She believes love isn’t easy.
She believes hard things are worth it things.
She believes you find precious things when you look with your whole heart. (did you know your heart has eyes?  true story…)

Lovely… a lover of the One who Loves.

(who’s this Lovely? you’d better start at the beginning…)

You got me

You don’t know what you’re talking about. 
You don’t even have kids. Or a wife. 
You’ve never really suffered.
You don’t know what real life is really like. 

Hi, nice to meet you too.  I’m Robert.
You’re right, by the way. All the way right. 
More than likely, I don’t know what I’m talking about…
Sounds like you could use a drink, can I pour you something?

Bloody Russians

If relationship is like a body, trust is the blood.

The Russians have a saying about trust:
“Trust in God. Everyone else, mind your own f***ing business.”

Ah.  Advice from a Russian is like their vodka.  

Crystal clear liquid fire.

Trust is a funny thing.  Not “haha” funny but funny like “if we don’t chuckle and pretend we understand this mystery it will suck the life and light right out of our hearts ’cause every heart that gives up and goes into the Anti-trust Black Hole of Self Preservation is never seen or felt from again.”

I don’t have much to say about trust. I don’t know much.

Other folks have a lot to say, though.  Like psychologists.  And God.

Psychologists says “trust is like the chicken or the egg thing.”   You need trust to be vulnerable and you need to be vulnerable to build trust. Oh, super helpful.  Thanks science. So relationship is ruled by Quid Pro Quo. I hope you like pitch black water slides that go who knows where.

But hang on… before we headlong into slippery tit-for-tat…

Aren’t there some people who didn’t wait for a “safe place” to make vulnerable their hearts? And don’t we admire, idolize and sometimes worship those people?

Joan of Arc, Martin Luther, and the King Jr., the famous Ghandi and also Indira Ghandi, Lincoln…

Oh. I see.  All these folks were killed all day long.
Living your life all out for the all in is a good way to lose it.

I guess that’s why he said “Father forgive them, they don’t know…”. He was all about losing the life to gain The Life.

So then someone has to go first.  And keep going first.  And keep going first.  No matter what.

Maybe we aren’t supposed to find a “safe place” to give ourselves in weakness.
Maybe we were made for higher things. For death. For Life. 
Maybe a higher hope is made for us, a hope that lets us take their spear in our softest parts and say “Father forgive them.”
Maybe trust is measured by forgiveness.
Maybe as you measure, so will it be measured to you.
Maybe that’s crazy talk.

A mystery.

How is that YHWH loves Israel and my heart through 1,817 betrayals? Through the 1,817 times I’ve laid down with Pride, Self-Pity, Fear, Self-Reliance? Father forgive me.

How is that Jesus loves us through it all?  
Persecution and murder from his enemies: loved them, noble hero stuff.  Betrayed by his Beloved? Hold on. Loved them? Yep. Doesn’t even bring it up.

I don’t have any explanation for Trust like that. It shouldn’t exist. But it does.

Where Forgiveness is, Trust, there is something Precious, something Sacred, something Divine. Father forgive me. I want that Holy Ground in me. I want to start going barefoot around my heart.

I think the Russians got it right, mostly.

Flesh will fail.
Trust in God.

P.S. I’ll be out back for a bit. It’s time to shoot the dog – Quid Pro Quo and his long record of wrongs. He’s got to go. Bullet in the head. Quick and quiet. Burn ‘im with fire. Salt the ashes. Toss ’em in deep water. I’ll be back before supper.

—

Jeremiah 17:5. Psalm 44:22. Luke 23:34. Matthew 10:37. John 16:33. Luke 6:37. Hosea 4:12. Hosea 4:15. Hosea 9:1. Psalm 118:8. 2 Timothy 2:11. Psalm 23:6.
click to expand references…

…a wonderer

“Show me what turns a man’s head
and I will tell you how he’s steering his heart.
What is Lovely, to you?”

Lovely… a wonderer.  (Psalm 139:14)

The smartest person is full of answers.
The wisest person is full of wonders. 

It’s a wonderful thing to wonder and why, to question and query and wrestle and never settle in the decided safety and security offered by certainty. Dangerous and scary, too.  Judged harshly by some.  

Wondering has an evil twin sister… Wandering.  Lots of folks have them confused, over the years. Wander is a looser gal, all race and revelry, all for uncertainty.  Wonder is a worshipper, seeing a higher way, a higher thought, seeing from her heart.

F. Scott Fitzgerald said “The test of a first-rate intelligence is the ability to hold two opposed ideas in mind at the same time and still retain the ability to function.”

General relativity says “Everything is either one way, or another.”
Quantum mechanics snorts, giggles, chokes back chuckles, then laughs out loud.  

Lovely laughs a lot, too.
Never willing to dismiss the mysterious.
Always ready to wonder, with big ideas or whispering feelings.

Sunsets and tea sets and eyelashes on a baby.  
Old kitchens and misty mountains and twinkles splashed all over space.

It’s a wonderful thing to wonder. To be so wonder full.

Lovely… a lover of the One who Loves.

(who’s this Lovely? you’d better start at the beginning…)

Heavy feathers

“God’s commands are burdensome to me
like feathers are burdensome to a bird.”

I believe it’s a Treasure to be under Godly authority.
Obedience may be one of the most difficult things we learn.
(If it’s what I want to do, is it really obedience?)
Obedience isn’t easy. It’s rewarding.

I can’t walk by faith when the path is clear in my sight.
Obedience is the surest way to grow faith.
Test that and see if it is true.

What if “obeying” looks like losing my life?
Well amen. Then I want to say “I have only done my duty.”

What if my spiritual leaders get it wrong?
Bound to happen. They’re accountable to God.
Yikes. I don’t envy them. Hopefully they tremble.

God loves justice, right-ruling. He’s the Restorer.
He repays two blessings for every woe.
He gives grace to the humble.
He’s sovereign over us.

There’s no authority over me that isn’t given from above.
No earthly authority can ruin my Life.
My heavenly Father gives me bread.
Not a stone.

He is worthy.
He loves me.
He gives me Life.
I can give him my life.

According to my faith, let it be done to me.
According to your faith, let it be done to you.

—

John 14:21 – 1 John 5:3 – Hebrews 5:8 – Hebrews 13:17 – Luke 17:10 – Zechariah 9:12 – John 19:11 – Matthew 7:9 – Matthew 8:13 – Proverbs 21:1 – 1 Samuel 2:30 – Philippians 2:8 – Revelation 4:11
click to expand references…

…a rock

“Show me what turns a man’s head
and I will tell you how he’s steering his heart.
What is Lovely, to you?”

Lovely… a rock, and resting on The Rock. (Psalm 18)

Modest and tough. A true spring of life in her innermost being.

Steady. She believes (sees with her heart) God is good.

She delights in waiting, in quietness and trust.

She doesn’t write ads to feature her benefits,
she doesn’t waft her perfumes in the marketplace.

A passerby might note nothing especially remarkable, save a simple elegance. And many may and many will and many have passed by.

Only one really seeking the inner things knocks at the windowless door.

Lovely… a lover of the One who Loves.

(who’s this Lovely? you’d better start at the beginning…)

…a gracious banquet guest

“Show me what turns a man’s head
and I will tell you how he’s steering his heart.
What is Lovely, to you?”

Lovely… a gracious banquet guest. (Colossians 3:12)

How much does she bring to the table?

She has the moral fiber of a dark leaf lettuce salad, the grit and wisdom of a dry-aged, grill-fired, bone-in, ribeye steak and all the warmth and kindness of double buttered southern mashed potatoes.

Lovely things are almost always packages in threes.
Three things that don’t belong yet somehow fit perfectly.

When you see one with these three,
you can come and stick a fork in me.

Lovely… a lover of the One who Loves.

(who’s this Lovely? you’d better start at the beginning…)

…a daughter of the King

“Show me what turns a man’s head
and I will tell you how he’s steering his heart.
What is Lovely, to you?”

Lovely… a daughter of the King. (Ephesians 4:24)

You’d expect a princess such as she to be equally capable and confident, even comfortable in scenarios as far flung as these…

  • For tea with the Queen she is refined. Conversive in the arts, friendly with elegance, sipping and savoring the finer things, classy takes notes when she’s around.
  • For a six-figure-pitch in a Houston boardroom she is bold. Gritty, fierce and charming as sunlight streaming through stained glass. Souled out to her beliefs and for the people she believes in.
  • For ranch living 100 miles from nowhere she is strong. No electricity, no cell service, no problem. The wellspring of her soul goes deep and draws up peace and rest.

…and indeed, she is.

Lovely… a lover of the One who Loves.

(who’s this Lovely? you’d better start at the beginning…)

…a Lover of God

“Show me what turns a man’s head
and I will tell you how he’s steering his heart.
What is Lovely, to you?”

Lovely… a lover of God, above all. (1 John 4:19)

Love for God is in the marrow of her bones.  Did you know clean blood for your heart comes from your bones?  Her heart is His, now and forever. Though everyone around her may turn from the Way, still she will follow Jesus through every death and into life.

Lovely… a lover of the One who Loves.

(who’s this Lovely? you’d better start at the beginning…)

What is Lovely to me? (part two)

(have you read Part One? click if you want to start at the beginning…)

—

Almost mythical, man has given Her (his other side) many names, through the ages.

Anima is one name, particularly helpful.

Originating from Latin, anima relates to ideas like soul, spirit, breath, essence, vital force, the source of man’s courage, creativity, focus.

Renowned psychologist Carl Jung developed structures to explain the critical influence of this relationship, this driving force of man.

“Every man carries within him the eternal image of woman, not the image of this or that particular woman, but a definite feminine image.”

  • The Anima represents the idealized “other half,” the “feminine side” of man that he must develop to find completeness.
  • Ultimately feminine, Anima is a transcendent, almost divine, less-than-real or mythical character that a man seeks ultimately.
  • Man will likely project the qualities of this impossibly fantastical creature onto a flesh and blood woman who may share some of the imagined qualities.

My interpretation of this…

  • Anima is the shadow cast by Woman in the Light of God.
  • Her shadow is like her original glory, taller than her, more mysterious and not so real.
  • Man will always pursue this shadow, that he might know her, and God.

This is to be wonderful! IF man holds in his mind the original as separate from current reality.

He believes (sees with his heart) his woman as she is originally and treats her as that glorious creature, never allowing realization of any evidence to the contrary to penetrate his heart.

He adores her for she is all good and worthy and that is all.

Against their real and present condition, he must guard his and her hearts with the breastplate of belief and love and protect his and her minds with the helmet of hope, or expectation of restoration.

YHWH created man and woman in the image of YHWH.

Man is seeking his complete Being, the complete image of YHWH.

Reunification with God is man’s quest.

The Woman is his partner and his equal in bringing about that reunion.

To Solomon she was Sophia.
Cavafy said she is Ithaka.
The Greeks chose Athena.
The Romans praised Aurora.
Sumeria worshipped Inanna.
Quixote is devoted to Dulcinea.
Christ gives his life for Ecclesia.

Funny, they all end with “a.”

To me, she is Lovely.

What is Lovely to me? (part one)

“It is not good for man to be self-sufficient.”

So YHWH made the man sleep deeply.
Then He took away one of the man’s sides.

The side which YHWH took from the man, He built into a woman, and He presented her to the man.

And the man said, “This one is bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh. This one is called ‘woman,’ which means ‘opposite of man’ or ‘other side of man’ because she was taken from man.”
—
This word, side, in Hebrew tsela, is most commonly used to reference the side of a building, a wall.

Exodus 26:20 “and for the second side of the tabernacle…”
Exodus 26:26-27 “make bars of acacia wood, five for the boards of one side of the tabernacle, and five bars for the boards of the opposite side of the tabernacle, and five bars for the boards of the side of tabernacle to the west.”
Exodus 25:12 “cast four gold rings for it (the ark) and fasten them in its four feet, and two rings shall be on one side of it and two rings on the opposite side of it.
Ezekiel 41:5 “he measured the wall of the temple, six cubits; and the width of the side, four cubits…”

Man didn’t lose one of his ribs. The entire other side of his Being was separated from him during that sleep.
—
“So a man should leave his father and mother and be joined to his woman, and they will be one flesh.”

Tabernacle, tent, flesh… a union of sides supporting one structure, one purpose, one Being.
—
How does a man know to seek? How does a man know to be dissatisfied?

One Being, he once had, now is lost. He seeks for his whole Being to be restored to him.

“In the image of God he created them. Male and female he created them.”

Man remembers. His own side of God’s image is fallen from that glory of one Being and he seeks restoration.

His other side, he remembers her as she was with him originally, in the garden, before the fall. And he’s looking for her.

—

Next up: What is Lovely to me? Part Two

Nehemiah 1

So a messenger came from the Deep.
From this Promised Land, a far away part,
from my Inheritance, this eternal Heart.
“Things are not-so-good down here.”
And I did weep.

Enemies find every bit of fruit to reap.
There’s no Wall of The Word to guard.
Gates for things Set-Apart, charred.
“We may not ever be free there, I fear.”
And I did weep.

Then I said, “O Lord, God of heaven, 
You are the great and awesome God. 
You keep Your covenant of unfailing love 
with those who love You 
and obey Your commands.

Hear my prayer! 
Look down and see me 
praying night and day 
for Your Beloved. 
I confess, I have sinned 
against You. 
Yes, even my own family and I have sinned! 
We have sinned terribly 
by not obeying Your commands.

Please remember what You told Your servant Moses: 
‘If you are unfaithful to Me, I will scatter you among the nations. 
But if you return to Me 
and obey My commands 
and live by them, 
then even if you are exiled 
to the ends of the earth, 
I will bring you back 
to the place I have chosen 
for My Name to be honored.’

The people You rescued 
by Your great power and strong hand are Your servants. 
O Lord, please hear my prayer! 
Listen to the prayers of those of us who delight in honoring You. 
Please grant me success today. 
Make those over me favorable to me. 
Put it into their hearts to allow me to go
and claim the Land
You have given.

All who are thirsty

“If anyone thirsts, let him come to Me and drink.”
Streams of living water flow from the deep of His heart.
Come, hear.  Drink, obey.
Draw your water carefully.  It becomes your lifeblood.
I haven’t been always careful.
There is nothing good in me.  No not one thing.
Drinks from my own life are poisonous and perishing.
Forgive me for offering my own concoctions, so often.
If you would give someone a drink, draw from the well spring of Jesus.
Help me come to you, Jesus.  
I want to drink your words, in obedience.
I want your streams of living water
flowing from the deep of my heart.
Thank you for pouring Yourself out for all who are thirsty.

Hebrews 10

Just penance, You have not desired.
My whole being You would take up with fire.

You chisel Your laws on my heart.
I am to be wholly Yours, and set apart.

Then all my wrongs You keep no record of.
Listen now courageously. Here is true love:

Precious entrance and like a flood,
the tearing Veil showers me in the Blood.

Raise up this Standard be fixed to the wind.
Unfurl in love and in friendship be given.

Keep yourself always a tremble
in the shining, shimmering face of God.
For terror would devour you fallen
in the terrible, terrified hands of God.

Steady now and know from where you come.
Steady now and know to where you go, Home.

Shrinking back You have not desired.
I have come to do Your will, Lord, bring the Fire.

Isaiah 30

A warning to those who would lean on their own understanding…
…who would trust in man’s wisdom and might.
…who would go without God.

These false sons reject instruction.
They trust in oppression and guile.
They manipulate others in selfishness.

Their fall will be great, says the LORD.

“In repentance and rest you will be saved.”
“In quietness and trust is your strength.”

Hear this astounding statement…
“The LORD longs to be gracious to you…”
“He waits on high to have compassion on you.”

Turn, O my soul!
At your cry He is here!

Forgive me, Father…

Then He is here as my Teacher.
He will help me put away the idols of my heart.

He will bind me
and heal me
and refresh me.

Rivers of living water will be in me.

The name of יהוה is power and glory.
Beautiful, awe-full and wonderful.

Come and reign in us, LORD!

Hiding

Was fear hiding this because it’s an evil thing
OR because it’s a foreign thing and vulnerable to rejection?
—
Once a man found sugar cane in a secluded place and didn’t tell his family.  

He knew sugar was no good.  They did too.

But he couldn’t put evil sugar away from him.

So he hid from them.

Another man found a sparkling water spring in a quiet place and didn’t tell his family.

He liked sparkling water, and quietness, he decided.

But this family wasn’t known to like sparkling water in quiet places.

So he hid from them.
—
It is good to know the difference between sinning and hiding sin,
and seeing a foreign joy and hiding that.

Hiding in fear is never good. Perfect love casts our fear.

I’m learning about hiding (hiding from man).
Too much = separation consumes my life.
Too little = my life consumes others, close by.

We need to be revealed to each other
to receive love that can cover our shame.

We need to be rooted deeply in love
to see each other’s shame
and not run away screaming.

Revelation…
– one part humilty
– one part consent
– love… lots of love.

I’m sorry for hiding too much.
…and then not hiding enough.

Who knows if these are right sayings…

Hiding from God isn’t a thing, so…

2 Timothy 2

A servant of the Master should not quarrel
but be gentle towards all,
patient when wronged,
in meekness responding
to those who are in opposition…
—
Forgive me, I’ve missed this Mark many times.
Spirit come, only with You may I be full of
Grace and Truth.

ONE

Holding onto our beliefs
Like a child holds to its father
It’s like we’re trying so hard to breathe
With our heads underneath the water 

Keep trying to find the balance
Of our love and our convictions
‘Cause we know that life in You
Moves far beyond religion 

We know, we know
We know, we know
That nothing else even matters
But love 

We keep trying to find a way
To come together Lord,
take these fears away
And make us one, one, one,
Lord, make us one, one, one, Lord, make us one

We are the face of Christ
In a world of shadows
Is it God’s love we’re fighting for
Or our own conviction’s ego?

We got to let go of pride
Embrace the idea of difference
Make unity our calling
And move within forgiveness

We know, we know
We know, we know
That nothing else even matters
But love

Imagine what could be, imagine what could change
If love was all that really mattered
Would the light of Christ finally shine through
Me and you?

We keep trying to find a way
To come together Lord,
take these fears away
And make us one, one, one,
Lord, make us one, one, one,
Lord, make us one

—

Forgive me for trying to change anyone else.
Unity in love isn’t homogeneous.
That’s what makes it glorious.
Lord, help me meet others as you meet us,

…right where we are.


Breaking patterns

“Vanity and narcissism are the enemies of courage. We define vanity and narcissism as the compulsive need to be praised, to be liked:
for this people give up their courage.”

“The vain and narcissistic person seems on the surface to overprotect himself, not to take any risks and in other ways act as a coward because he thinks too highly of himself. Actually, just the opposite is the case. He has to preserve himself as a commodity by which he can buy the favor and praise he needs, because without that honor from men he would feel himself to be worthless. Courage arises from one’s sense of dignity; and one is uncourageous because he thinks too poorly of himself.”

“Rather, he doesn’t think enough of God, and too much of other men.”

i.e. Arrogance is a low mind and needs honor before men.

A man trying to fear the LORD
doesn’t have time to fear anyone else.

“How can you believe, when you receive glory from one another and you do not seek glory that is from the only God?” John 5:44

“Nevertheless, many of the leaders believed in Him; but they did not follow Him, for fear they would be rejected by other people.” John 12:41

When courage begins to emerge – when a person begins to break the pattern, a pattern of life devoted to getting others to admire him…
…it might get ugly, for a bit.

Who knows what is right? Who is good but God?

“These are the ones I look on with favor: those who are humble and contrite in spirit, and who tremble at my Word.” Isaiah 66:2

Hard Emerson

I wonder what would you think if I had these words…
Danger, Will Robinson.
—
I must be myself.
I cannot break myself any longer for you, or you.
If you can love me for what I am, we shall be the happier.
If you cannot, I will still seek to deserve that you should.
I will not hide my tastes or aversions.
I will so trust that what is deep is holy,
that I will do strongly before the sun and moon
and whatever only rejoices me, and the heart appoints.
If you are noble, I will love you; if you are not,
I will not hurt you and myself by hypocritical attentions.
If you are true, but not in the same truth with me,
cleave to your companions; I will seek my own.
I do this not selfishly, but humbly and truly.
It is alike your interest, and mine, and all men’s,
however long we have dwelt in lies, to live in truth.
Does this sound harsh today?
You will soon love what is dictated by your nature
as well as mine, and, if we follow the truth,
it will bring us out safe at last.
—
Who knows what is right?

The voyage of the best ship is a zigzag line of a hundred tacks.

Cleansing

“If we confess our sins, he is faithful and righteous
to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.”

Something I learned lived…

Your light shined in my life and it wasn’t pretty.

In old stories (like the bible) and throughout mythology, “light” is a metaphor for “consciousness.” I have been hiding from you like Adam did in the garden.

Your light judged, convicted and executed the dark things.

Light divides. When light comes in, dark things have to go*.
The chains of lying/pretending/hiding are destroyed
when they are seen.
When your consciousness saw my condition,
the wicked parts were cleansed.
Incidentally, anything tied to those lies is also destroyed.
Trust, connection, etc.

* If I deny/defend the sickness in my flesh, it can stay.
If I submit to Go(o)d and resist the evil, it flees.

It isn’t free.

Attacking sin always costs you something.
Your viciously righteous words were necessary
to scrub out the infection.
It’s a form of violence, and you trade your innocence
to put the evil to death.
You shed blood to “cover” my sin. Scars you will have.

It did set me free – in part.

I had bound myself to the idol of your respect/high opinion,
and tried keeping it by manufacturing a false righteousness.
That idol is burned up. Thank God.

Inviting your consciousness to shine in my life.
Asking for the cleansing power of your hard words.

Thank you for loving me with your very life.

Forward, not backward.

“If we confess our sins, he is faithful and righteous
to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.”
REJOICE!

JOEL

No hope.

Hear if you have ears.
Tell your children.

The worms of sin fill the pantry
and there is nothing to eat.

Stop drinking your play
and hiding in Netflix.

The hordes of hell are here.

My heart is stroked
by lightning
my life is splintered.

Screaming like a girl
at the bloody murder of her beau.

Forests are burning.
Dry dirt is weeping.
Bread is rock.
Wine is dust.
Even oil sticks.

Grapevines shrivel.
Fig trees shrink.
Palm and pomegranate droop.
Apple trees and every tree, dried up.

Frolicking joy is killed all day
and bleaching under the sun.

Yes, do cry.
Empty your eyes.

The Sabbath is near
and it comes as destruction.

A day of darkness and gloom.
Mourning clouds are spread
over your vision.

An army breathing dark fire comes.
Oasis and gardens before them.
Nuclear wasteland behind them.

Their feet fly over mountains
their steps roar like jet engines.

Perfect destruction
they do not stop.

All the earth quakes
and heaven shivers.

The stars wince.
The moon averts her eyes.
Even the sun looks away.

The Day is awe full.
Who can see it and live?

But wait.
Hear this.

Turn your whole heart
on the hinges of sorrow.

Tear your robes of flesh.
Rend the veil of your heart.

The Lover of your soul comes.
His name is Grace, Compassion,
Patience, Abounding in Love.

“I AM sending bread. Break it.”
“I AM sending new wine. Drink it.”

“I AM taking your death;
the hellfire whirling around
that black-hearted beast
full of fury and sound.”

“PEACE. BE STILL.”

Bring the confetti!
Bring the music
and piñatas
and bouncy castles!

Squish your toes
in the new grass.

Fill your eyes
with the apple trees
ornamented like Christmas.

Taste and see
the juicy grapes
bursting their skins.

He is giving the Teacher
of Righteousness
of Loving-kindness
like rain
washing us clean.

Making us a brimful
in our soul.

The wormy years are repaid
a double portion.

Then you will eat.
Be Satisfied.
Praise יהוה.

“I AM pouring out a New Wine.”
“Call on My Name and be saved.”

You weak men
of violence
say “I am strong.”

Make your mind sharp
as a sword for battle.

“I AM gathering My children
to dwell with them forever.”

Know Hope.

Come Lord Jesus

I am a man of unclean lips. I draw near to God with my mouth, but my heart is far from him. My words are better than my life. I find his words well, I know his life not. Self reliant and stiff necked is my name. Making God in my own image again and again. I am clever and wise in my own eyes. Comfortable with inauthenticity. Well versed in masquerade and hiding. Putting me first. Grabbing.
Bring confession. Bring cleansing.
Come Lord Jesus.
Help me.

I dare not speak about anything except what You are working through me…